Have you had that moment at work when you realise your boss just doesn’t like you? Maybe you’ve only worked together a short time? Or maybe a long time and the dynamics have changed, pressures have shifted, people have changed, the business has moved-on. Whatever the case, you know the boss is over you and wants you gone. It’s messy and scary. How do you manage it? How do you survive it – and is that even possible?
A mentee called me today. She was stressed, anxious and sounding rather desperate. She’d been called into HR with her boss, presented with a letter outlining some errors she had made and told the meeting was a ‘first warning’. She was horrified. Having worked there for 15 years with an exemplary performance history, this was the first time she’d ever been called into HR. She left the meeting shell-shocked, having been told to respond in writing in 24 hours.
She was shocked primarily because this ‘warning’ was completely unexpected. Although there were indeed two errors that she’d made over two months ago, she had readily taken responsibility for them and rectified them. Not to mention, they were completely out of character, a result of an extraordinary workload, lack of support and the resulting stress. Both errors were addressed directly with her boss (who had been at the company for 18 months) and the matters were closed and had not been discussed again since. However, the letter included some additional fabricated errors and the suggestion that she had been receiving coaching to improve her skills which were not improving. She had never had or been offered coaching and was not aware – not from her boss or anyone – that there had been concerns about her skills.
Her gut feeling was that this was a setup and she felt powerless to stop it.
Assuming her version of events is true, there are so many questions and issues with this story. Culture, leadership, politics and power. Sadly, I have seen this – unfair dismissals – play out so many times. And to be perfectly honest, if they want you to go, they will do so through any means possible: contract clauses, fabricated performance or attitude issues, restructures or making your life unbearable until you are so depleted and miserable, you decide to leave. Be under no illusion, a warning is serious. It is the first step in the termination process. Sure, sometimes employers use warnings as a way to address an issue and work with you to improve the situation. However mostly, it’s a tactic to protect them legally.
Cool off and think
The first thing I suggest is to calm down, take stock and reflect on the situation. Do not ignore it. If you believe the case against you is unmerited, you need to present a clear, comprehensive and well documented rebuttal. You won’t be able to do that effectively if you aren’t clear headed.
Also consider: do you really think this situation can improve? As in the case of my mentee, she is certain her boss has never liked her in all the time they’ve worked together, resents the longevity of her tenue and the strong alliances she has internally and has always displayed dismissive behaviour against her. It feels personal. She has kept their relationship cordial and respectful but it’s become increasingly clear (and the fabricated issues support this) that her boss does not want her around. So, if you are convinced the situation is not going to improve, prepare emotionally for the inevitable exit. I’ve seen people grovel to their boss, put in extra hours, cross every ‘i’ and every ‘t’ to feign compliance but I assure you it’s useless. If they want you to go, you’re going.
‘Why bother doing anything if the inevitable is going to happen?’ I hear you say? Well firstly you want to stay there as long as possible to get as much income as you can. So, it’s a matter of doing what you have to do to survive. You are still getting paid, so do your job. Importantly however, do what you need to do to defend and protect your own reputation. And also, ensure that you expose in writing, the poor leadership that allowed this situation to happen.
Make your case
Write your response professionally and be mindful that the tone is positive, reflective and not at all angry. Perhaps get someone, outside of work, to read it. You must use this opportunity to defend yourself using every possible artefact at your disposal to prove your claims: emails, meeting reports, performance reviews etc. Keep your points clear and succinct. Include subheadings if that makes it easy to read – just as long as there is no doubt about your position and the message is crystal clear.
In the case of my mentee, it is important that she expose the fact that her boss never discussed performance with her at any time; that no coaching was ever offered or discussed; that the facts presented are fabricated (and defend that); that apparently several weekly one-on-one meetings were cancelled by her boss (suggesting lack of interest) and importantly that she had raised at several meetings with her boss how stressed, pressured and understaffed her department was and that she requested help that was never provided.
Also ensure that you use this opportunity to ask in writing for ways to improve the situation. You need concrete goals and clear measures of success provided to you. Ask for it. How your boss and HR respond will give you an indication of whether this is a true turning point or merely the beginning of the termination process.
Start looking
I can’t stress enough that your resume should always be up to date. Review it every six months. Even in good times. My mentee has been at this company 15 years and only ever had one job before that. She has never updated her resume. As soon as she finishes her response letter, she needs to work on her resume straight away, update her LinkedIn profile and start looking at what’s in the market. The job search is not easy and takes time. You need to be ready to sell yourself and ideally resign before they you are exited.
Survival
Regardless of what’s ahead, my mentee needs to brace herself for the likelihood of being terminated. It’s not fair and frustrating and humiliating, but the company has the power. Sure, there’s things you can do to get justice but these activities suck your soul, finances, every piece of energy and joy from your life and that is precious time you will never get back. Unless you want to go through the expensive, depressing legal process to fight for justice my recommendation is to move on and let it go. I get it – its not fair. But business is not fair.
If your boss doesn’t like you and takes actions to discredit you, it’s an uphill battle and it’s likely you wont win. They have the power, influence and opportunity to position you any way they want. Even if you have friends and influence, it will not stand up against the hierarchy that your boss is the beneficiary of. My advice – get out of there. Good bosses and companies with strong cultures of integrity and respect DO exist. The trick is finding them.
therealceo