How many times have you been told to ‘just be yourself’?

Maybe you were going to a job interview, about to do a presentation, or meet someone new. You’ve spent hours reading about crafting your personal brand, identifying what makes you ‘you’; you’re buffed and polished – you’re the best version of yourself. Suddenly you panic: ‘hang on, this isn’t me; it’s some weird, superficial version of me!’ I’ve been there; feeling uncomfortable, a fake.

And then I’ve undone all that work and I’ve tried being ‘authentic’, transparent, true. It’s left me exposed, unpopular and vulnerable. So, what to do when being your authentic self fails? Can you still be yourself and survive at work?

Personal brand or authentic self?

The concepts of personal branding and self-positioning have been popular topics in business and career forums for a long time. As a brand junkie who has worked on building countless brands, I get the power of brand; of creating a narrative from (sometimes) a ‘nugget of truth’ to create something wonderful, desirable, enviable. It’s supported by a whole army of loyalists who will ensure that every aspect of that brand story and image stays on track.

Although when it comes to people, you’re on your own.

Not only is one nugget of truth unsustainable for a whole lifetime, crafting a personal brand can sometimes feel unauthentic. Like permission to craft a palpable and popular version of yourself to get an outcome. (Don’t they give out Logies for that?) It seems counter-intuitive to re-imagine yourself and expect that to be real. How does one maintain that? Will those who claim to know you accept that version of you? Sure, everyone knows Insta and Facebook stories are carefully curated and essentially unreal, but at work there’s no picture book; it’s you in action every day. As such, early on in my career I chose my ‘authentic self’ over managing my ‘personal brand’.

Being authentic isn’t always popular

One time, a work colleague called me an ‘elephant hunter’. He was pointing out my ability to call out obvious, often sensitive or uncomfortable truths that nobody wanted to acknowledge or share: the elephant in the room. Typically, these were the issues that would often stop real solutions from being reached. I was applauded for it. I’ve never considered it a skill, just natural communication and problem solving. Me being my ‘authentic self’ – effortless, no strategising about my approach, or sanitising hard issues to appease others – just be me. I wore my voice as a badge and considered it part of my what makes me, well, me. I used those same skills with my teams and was loved for it.

Who needs a personal brand I rejoiced – I was born this way!

However as I went on through my career and continued to progress to more senior roles, I found this raw, open expression was becoming less well received. And less helpful. Particularly with peers and bosses. My subordinates initially loved the openness and easy access, they were seeing my vulnerabilities, the real me. However later, what became obvious with my new teams is that whilst they appreciated it, they actually started to doubt my capabilities.
That wild passionate voice was suited to the younger, inexperienced, adventurous me. Now people around me were changing, expectations were changing. What I thought was part of my personal brand was in fact losing me credibility and effectiveness. I wasn’t popular and my peers and bosses didn’t like me.

What I leant

What I realised the hard way was that whilst I was staying true to myself because it was comfortable, my style wasn’t evolving to suit my new experiences. I thought that I was setting myself up for success. I believed my work should stand on its merits, my honesty and openness of my whole self was honourable, and I refused to play the political game – it was artificial. However, the truth is that as we move through our careers we change, our colleagues change, the world changes, our circumstances change.

We must adapt… or die.

Allies are your success

I thought my brilliant, honest insights and sharing harsh realities were my x-factor and they were – for a time. But then quickly I realised that being that version of my authentic self had failed. This helped me to learn that making sure the right people hear you, the way you say it and what you choose to say is more effective than being right. Allies are good for that. Your message must be carefully crafted and directed.

For some of us it feels like we have to choose between what feels authentic and what is effective.

What helps with this contradiction is to broaden our definition of authentic. This can happen as we traverse our careers and broaden our sense of self. If it doesn’t, as was my case, we need to take stock. Authentic doesn’t mean we have to share all of ourselves either. It means making a conscious choice about what we share and critically, how we share it.

What to do?

Consider the different versions of you in your life today as pieces of a pie.

You might see Weekend-Me, Date-Night-Me, Party-Me, Daughter/Sister-Me, Footy-Me, Responsible-Me – you get the idea. They are the different versions of the whole you that exist depending on the circumstance. They are all real, just different parts of a whole you.

Slice out a work version that you can live with. It’s now that you need to consider a personal brand: a sub-brand of you. I call her Work-Me.

Work-Me shares her values with Home-Me and Weekend-Me and all the other versions of Me, but she is more restrained, considered, sharper. She rarely lets her guard down but she’s not unfamiliar to me. She’s just completely alert to the people around her and who can help her achieve the outcomes she wants when it comes to her career.

Work-Me is political.

I can assure you that if there’s one skill you need to learn as you go through your career in order to be successful, it’s politics. Don’t be fooled that because now with WFH arrangements where your work colleagues can see your messy kitchen bench, you in your tracksuit and without makeup, that Work-Me has evaporated. She has not. Defining Work-Me and setting boundaries for her exposure is critical to being successful in your career.

Being your authentic self will indeed lead to failure as I learnt, if you resist the need for change as you change and set boundaries. You must accept the broader definition of authenticity. You must recognise that the version of you that you chose to share at work and in professional circumstances is authentic. It is real and it is enough.

The Elephant Hunter strikes again.

therealceo